The Infinite Echo

B. Thomas Cooper is a freelance journalist, photographer, blogger and historian. Topics include Political Commentary, Satire and History

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Location: Phoenix, Arizona, United States

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Happy Holidays!

The Infinite Echo
B. Thomas Cooper
Editor

Happy Holidays to All!

I’ll begin by apologizing to those of you who have been waiting patiently for me to report. Some of you have gone so far as to call my residence to voice your concern. Fear not, for I have responded. I have received more mail in my absence than I normally receive for a standard six hundred word tirade. I thank you, and I urge you to seek professional help immediately.

Don’t get all teary eyed. We have much catching up to do, and the candle is burning, my friend. Christmas is now but a few days away. Many presents have yet to be purchased, let alone, wrapped and distributed. Thank the good lord above (thanks be to Allah, etc.) I can always count on Santa to bear the brunt of the load.

Yes, the holiday season is again upon us. Rest assured good old Saint Nick knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, no matter what Scooter Libby or Dick Cheney may say to the contrary. After all, it certainly isn’t nice to shoot your hunting buddy in the noggin, accident or no accident. I recommend two lumps a piece. Of coal, that is, but then I assume you knew where I was going with it.

Ah, but I digress.
Christmas rapidly approaches, and I fear I am ill prepared. We acquired our Christmas tree in the usual manner, and from the usual suspects, whom we have since ascertained use the proceeds to fund a covert children’s hospital in a bad neighborhood. Or so we’ve been told. Mum is the word.

While inspecting the available stock, I spotted an elderly man nearby, ringing a bell. I suspect he may have been in on it as well. Personally, I doubt his snow white beard was even real. One can never be certain of such things. Still, the strangest was yet to come.

We settled on a fine tree, and the kindly attendant secured it to our truck with twine. As we pulled away from the unpaved parking area adjoining the tree lot, we were greeted by the most unusual sign. NO REFUNDS OR RETURNS. They must be on to us.

More later,
Fudge awaits.

The Infinite Echo
http://theinfiniteecho.blogspot.com/

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